Lin:
Grandma Gao rescued 164 children [AIDS orphans]. She helped place some of these in her hometown [in Shandong Province]. Whenever I saw her, there were two things she would always talk about and one of them were the AIDS orphans and how they were doing back in China. Some of those kids got married and had their own children. She was so happy when they sent her photos – that was the happiest [I ever saw her]. She was also very interested in how China was developing. When I went back to China, I would hear people question why she left when she was so revered. They thought she was a traitor, unpatriotic or anti-China. I would say, she’s more patriotic than any of you lot. Her eyes would fill with tears whenever we started discussing the kinds of things that were going on in China, like anti-corruption, how difficult life was for ordinary people, COVID lockdowns, what was going on in Shanghai…
Wu:
She could see with her own eyes that China had taken a dramatic turn for the worse and it was getting even worse… She would say that it was lucky she was in the US, that Americans had saved her many times, otherwise she would have died several times over, she would have died from a blood clot [after arriving in New York she discovered a blood clot in her leg]. Sixteen years ago, she was left bedridden when she caught pneumonia. She would point to the ventilator and say: "Look, this is all from the US. Without this ventilator I would have died a long time ago.” …
But she would go on her computer every day – she liked sites like BBC Chinese, VOA, Sina and Sohu. She would also keep in touch with her friends back in China by email. She would often ask us to organize her emails. [Some of them] would mention that the situation in China was getting bad again, like the things that were happening in Shanghai. She was well up on news about [COVID] in the last few years, and probably knew sooner than us about what was going on in China than any of us on the ground, because she sat in front of her computer every day and read about it.
There were times when she would say she was tired of living; she didn’t want to live anymore. I was just thinking about this, what it takes to be the age of 96 and still be writing books. But then she would keep saying that she didn’t want to live anymore, she was ready to die. But she also had a sense of urgency, like she was a in real hurry. Her writing tablet broke and so she sent me a series of emails telling me. She was devastated, because she couldn’t do anything. So on Lunar New Year’s Eve last year I bought her a writing tablet and that same day she was using it, she couldn’t wait to start writing out her thoughts on it. Later, when I thought about it, I realized writing may be her only reason for living…